This article was originally published at upworthy.com
Small talk is a skill that can be hard to grasp. Striking up a conversation with acquaintances (or sometimes complete strangers) can be a challenge, even for the most gifted gabber. While you may loathe small talk, research shows that it helps build a stronger sense of community and belonging.
“Small talk gets a bad rap because it feels like filler before the ‘real’ conversation begins. It’s really an opportunity to make an impression,” explains Cheryl Overton, brand strategist and founder of Cheryl Overton Communications. “What makes it awkward is the lack of intention. When we approach it with a ‘get in, get out’ energy, we miss the opportunity to connect.”
Coming prepared to social situations with small talk questions and phrases will help you feel more confident—and connected— to others.
“There’s no need to try to be impressive, clever, or interesting,” says Rhonda Khan, public speaking coach and CEO at Simply Speech Solutions. “The best conversations come from being present, curious, and intentional, making small talk less of a chore and instead the beginning of a true, fulfilling connection.”
These are 5 small talk questions and phrases to keep in mind that can help you keep conversations flowing, according to communication specialists:
Phrase #1: “That sounds important to you—tell me more.”
Using this phrase during your small talk conversation will show you’re interested.
“Acknowledging what matters to someone builds instant rapport,” says Cyndee Harrison, co-founder of communications firm Synaptic. “It demonstrates empathy, active listening, and a desire to understand their perspective rather than just responding with your own.”